A young woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round
Of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to
Return to the clubhouse for help and to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse
And asked, "Why are you back in so early?
What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee", she said.

"Where", he asked.

"Between the first and second hole", she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said, "Then your
stance is too wide."

I cross ocean, poor and broke.
Take bus, see employment folk
Nice man treat me good in there.
Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, 'You come no more, we send cash right to your door.
Welfare cheques - they make you wealthy! NHS - it keep you healthy!
By and by, I get plenty money.
Thanks to you, you British dummy!
Write to friends in motherland.
Tell them 'come fast as you can.
They come in turbans and Ford trucks,
And buy big house with welfare bucks!
They come here, we live together.
More welfare cheques, it gets better!
Fourteen families, they moving in,
But neighbour's patience wearing thin.
Finally, British guy moves away.
Now I buy his house, then I say,
'Find more immigrants for house to rent.'
And in the yard I put a tent
Everything is very good,
And soon we own the neighbourhood.
We have hobby, it's called breeding. Welfare pay for baby feeding.

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So we have survived through Mr. Camping's May and October dates for the end of the world and I truly thought I could relax now.....at least until 2012. But, f**k no, now apparently we are now all going to be exterminated by Aliens in November. Yes - that's quite correct. Three huge Alien space ships are approaching Earth as we speak with an intent to annihilate us all. Governments all know this and are keeping it secret from us all. These space aliens have apparently come to reclaim a few of their own who have been spying on us in in lieue of the invasion force - Paris Hilton and Michael Jackson.....

Don' believe me?

Just Google man.... or click here for one take on the story.

Oxford University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganisation in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

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